Volume 2, Issue 74: Message From Mid-Bar

We are entering my favorite two months of the year. One of the adjustments I've had to make since moving to Georgia -- also an adjustment I've had to make since the decades of short-sighted, gluttonous corporate opportunism led the planet to begin its rebellion against us, an impending horror that is going make the next 50 years increasingly nightmarish ... and then it'll get worse -- is that the oppressive heat sneaks into March and September. But once it passes, there's nothing better.

In fact, because it's a holiday weekend and maybe we should take it easy this weekend: Let's rank some months. Even this newsletter needs a brain rest every once in a while.

12. August.

Positives: In Georgia, school starts in August, finally getting the children out of the house after everybody drives each other crazy all summer. (This was almost enough on its own to get August out of last place.) Also, every once in a while your baseball team DOMINATES in August.

Negatives: The cruel, endless heat. The fact that most of the world is still on vacation throughout August and you are a person who never takes a vacation and thus you spend the entire month waiting for people to get back to you. That you are essentially exhausted with summer by August 4 and this freaking month somehow goes on a full 31 days. David Plotz of Slate once wrote the definitive August takedown: "August is the Mississippi of the calendar. It's beastly hot and muggy. It has a dismal history. Nothing good ever happens in it. And the United States would be better off without it." (Sorry, Mississippi. I like you a lot more than August.)

11. February

Positives: It's short. The Super Bowl and the Oscars, the two most watched live events in the country, both take place in February. It's Black History Month. (To quote Nat X, "The Man gave us the shortest month!") Spring Training begins in February. The years where there's a Leap Day are sort of fun. It's short.

Negatives: August's mean cousin, February is 28 days but always feels about 40. You've made it through the holidays, you've turned the corner ... but you still have February to get through. All the promises you made to yourself about the new year have all fallen away in February, so you just stay inside and hide. I'm not sure there has ever been a February when I haven't gained weight. Valentine's Day. It's a federal law that everyone must get sick in February at least twice. All the movies released in February are terrible. The spelling of this month is nonsensical.

10. July.

Positives: The Fourth of July is a reason for families to get together that doesn't involve stress or buying gifts. The MLB Trade Deadline. It is not August.

Negatives: It's hot, everywhere, and just going to get worse. It's a full 31 days, every year. In a fair and just world, the three months in which there was no school and we all took vacations would be January, February and March, because we could go somewhere sunny to distract us from the cold. Instead, we have no choice but to go to places that are boiling just like the place we left. The kids don't have school and thus are around CONSTANTLY. The Fourth of July is becoming ... well, it's gotten a little tougher to be celebratory and joyous about the occasion the last couple of years, let's say that.

9. April.

Positives. The Final Four. The first full month of baseball. Easter is an excuse to dress up in nice clothes even if you're not particularly religious.

Negatives. Taxes. April Fool's Day. (Though on the Internet, we should treat every day as April Fool's Day.) You think it's spring, but it's not spring because spring doesn't exist anymore, because we only have two seasons now: Summer and winter. Strangely, it has so many incidents of terrorism that experts are legitimately trying to figure out why. It's not even the month of Opening Day anymore.

8. June.

Positives: The NBA Finals. Bloomsday. There's baseball every day.

Negatives. The heat is pretty much just as bad as July and August, it's just that it feels newer and thus less relentless. For most people, this is when school gets out; you may have noticed that this list is skewed by the perspective of someone who is dealing with people who are out of school rather than being out of school himself. If you have a birthday in June, you never get to celebrate it with your friends because they've already left for wherever they're going for the summer. (Or you have.) There are no major holidays. You're so much more exhausted at the end of June than you thought you were going to be. There is baseball every day, but it's the least important month.

7. January.

Positives: You have a few days after New Years Eve to slowly crawl your way back to normal life. NFL postseason, college football playoff, beginning of conference play in college basketball. There's not much popular culture being released so you have a month to catch up on all you missed from the previous year. You can convince yourself that this coming year is going to be better than the last one despite a near-infinite amount of evidence arguing otherwise.

Negatives: Cold. That week where everyone realizes they haven't really worked in a month and are desperately behind. Without question the worst month for new movies. Presidential inaugurations happen.

6. May.

Positives. Memorial Day. Kids get out of school down here in May, and for the first two weeks, you're legitimately happy to see them and happy that all the college students have left. It is not quite as hot as June, July and August.

Negatives: In an age of global warming, May is almost as hot as every other summer month, except May has more social events you are required to sit and sweat through.

5. December.

Positives: Holiday parties. The brief flicking moment when you forget all you have to do in December and can actually catch the festive spirit. That underrated period after December 25 but before January 1 that's as close to an actual national week off as this country will ever get.

Negatives: I tend to like stress and busy-ness, but even for me, December is way, way too crazy. That last week before the holiday is the most insane of the entire calendar year, when you're basically trying to finish everything; those days need 37 hours in them. And your reward for it all is that your family members are going to end up fighting with each other when they all get together anyway. SantaCon.

4. March.

Positives: NCAA Basketball Tournament. The weather switches enough that it's almost like it comes back to fall, which (as we're about to establish) is my favorite season, or what's left of it. Spring Break. Opening Day.

Negatives: March is a month you always want to be better, and warmer, and more renewing than it actually is. You always think you've made it through the winter without getting sick and this is the one that gets you. St. Patrick's Day. Oh man, just saying St. Patrick's Day makes me think March is way too high here.

3. November.

Positives: Thanksgiving is the best actual holiday and I will not be talked off this ledge. Up until recently, the World Series ended in November. In 2020, this will either become the greatest month or the absolute worst. Global warming has November essentially being downright balmy at this point.

Negatives: Black Friday. That last week of November just stores up a ton of worry for December. See Election Day caveat above.

2. September.

Positives: College football returns. (Except for this year.) After spending the whole summer waiting for everyone to get back to work, everyone does. It's without question my most productive month of the year. Baseball pennant chases. With any luck, you get to wear jeans by the end of the month.

Negatives: The first two weeks after Labor Day can be overwhelming if you aren't careful. Both September 11 and Sanctimonious September 11 people.

1. October.

Positives: Perfect weather. Constant activity all month, but not oppressively so. Baseball playoffs and World Series. Decorative gourds. My birthday.

Negatives: Halloween, though I've grown to like Halloween. That it is not 45 days long.

I needed a little brain break this week. Some mindless ranking sure did the trick. Thank you.

Here is a numerical breakdown of all the things I wrote this week, in order of what I believe to be their quality. You may disagree. It is your wont.

1. Every Team's Top Postseason Starter, MLB.com. I didn't take this week off. But I, uh, sort of took this week off.

2. The Thirty: Every Team's Most Overlooked Player, MLB.com. Tommy Pham siren going off.

3. If The Season Ended Today ..., MLB.com. This is a fun alternate history to do every Friday.

4. Debate Club: Best Fictional Schools, SYFY Wire.

5. Best Players From Each Top 25 School, MLB.com. As I said: Needed a break this week.

PODCASTS

Grierson & Leitch, we're off next week, but this week we previewed the Venice and Toronto Film Festivals and discussed "Ready Or Not" and "The Lost Boys."

Seeing Red, Bernie and I are back discuss a first-place team.

Waitin' Since Last Saturday, we preview the Vanderbilt game, and I interviewed my NYmag colleague (and UGA alum) Ed Kilgore.

THE WILL LEITCH SHOW

Season Three has been slightly delayed, but only slightly. Catch up on all the ones you've missed on Amazon or on SI TV.

GET THIS LUNATIC OUT OF HERE 2020 PRESIDENTIAL POWER RANKINGS

I liked Kirsten Gillibrand and thought she'd have a bit more staying power in this race. I bet this isn't the last time she runs. I have a feeling history's going to find her right about a lot of things people pretend she's wrong about now.

1. Kamala Harris
2. Elizabeth Warren
3. Beto O'Rourke
4. Cory Booker
5. Amy Klobuchar
6. Pete Buttigieg
7. Joe Biden
8. Bernie Sanders
9. Julian Castro
10. Steve Bullock
11. Michael Bennet
12. Tulsi Gabbard
13. Marianne Williamson
14. Tim Ryan
15. William Weld
16. Tom Steyer
17. Bill de Blasio
18. Andrew Yang
19. John Delaney
20. Wayne Messam
21. Joe Walsh

ONGOING LETTER-WRITING PROJECT!

These are back on a roll. Thank you. I really cannot overstate enough how lucky I feel to get to hear your stories. Write me!

Will Leitch
P.O. Box 48
Athens GA 30603

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO

"One Wing," Wilco. We always end up back here eventually.

Get some lawn work done, you all, before Labor Day is over.

I am in Nashville this weekend. Might watch this movie as a little primer.

Have a great weekend, all.


Best,
Will