I loved your post today. It made me long for a childhood I never had. Being on time was never on anyone’s radar. My mom suffered from schizophrenia. No one treated mental illness back then. My Dad was a physician who did not practice medicine but did medical research instead. He limited his involvement in my mom’s mental health problems to telling us every day “don’t do anything to upset your mother”. And then he was off to his job in the NYC. You just never knew from day to day or hour to hour exactly where my mother was on the spectrum from happy to dangerous. We spent a lot of time outside playing with friends and staying out of her way. The one time being on time mattered was for dinner. It was never a good idea to be late for dinner…never. So while I am always early to everything, I think it’s a carryover from my Dad’s instructions not to upset my mom.
So true Will! I know the main reason I don’t care about clutter is as a kid I was always told to pick everything up! Oh and there’s a place for everything! Yeah ok! 👍🏼
Will, I’m the same way, obsessively punctual as an adult after often being late as a child because my Dad was trying to get everything done (including catering to us).
I often ask God to give me patience, but I DO NOT like the opportunities he places in my path to help me develop this skill.
I look forward to your columns, Will, and often read them more than once and send them to friends. But this one resonated deeply, even more than usual. Take five and give this a read. “We’ll meet there again, my friend.” https://c-ville.com/keeping-time/
Hi Will, I don’t really have a dog in this fight (I am almost always on time; I don’t care if other people are or not), but I know that lack of punctuality is often a symptom of underlying mental illness (like social anxiety) or neurodivergence (like ADHD). That’s not to excuse the people for whom that is true, but to acknowledge that it can be much, much, more difficult for some people to be on time than others, and sometimes they genuinely don’t have the ability to do it. Obviously this is not true for everyone who is late, but I’d gently challenge us all to reframe our thinking from “this person doesn’t care about my time” to “I wonder what is going on in this person’s life that might be making them late.” I don’t think that will be too hard for Will since his writing is so full of empathy. Thanks again for another thought-provoking newsletter!
I think this is a fair assessment that I'll try to generally keep in mind. Also, I'm being *somewhat* tongue-in-cheek in my harshness; that's more a lizard-brain downloading of kneejerk thoughts than the way I actually treat people in my life who are late all the time. (At least I hope!)
I think I will have a screenshot of that first paragraph perpetually in draft form to my sister till the end of time. Signed, the always early sibling.
I am very much the same. On Tuesday, I'm flying to Chicago from my little airport in Syracuse. Will I get there two hours in advance, instead of the hour that would be sufficient? Yes I will. A lifetime of dealing with people who can't get anywhere on time has led me to adopt what I called the Tom Coughlin approach. The former New York Giants coach used to preach that being 15 minutes early was on-time and that anything else was late.
My oldest is 14 and her elastic relationship with time is a struggle for me. I've tried everything and it doesn't phase her, including leaving without her. Somehow, her inability to get from point A to point B is still my fault.
I have flown out of that airport in Syracuse quite a few times. I like that there's a therapy dog that travelers can pet once you get though security. All airports though have that.
"Parents, after all, are forever fighting the last war."
Did you coin this phrase? I've never heard it but it is so accurate! Great newsletter this week. Your perspective and thoughts on parenting have become some of my favorite things to read. I think maybe some of my "psychological protest" is that I don't like to write. Love reading, loathe writing (between my folks and grandparents, they've got 6 authored and published books). But whenever I read your parenting thoughts, it's like you are taking my thoughts and doing the writing for me. I am sure I am not the only reader that feels that way, although it probably helps that I also have two boys (now 16 and 13). Anyway, good piece. Also, while I have you, thanks for the Tarantino rankings. He's my favorite director and I needed that last week more than you know.
It took me a while to figure out that my need to iron my kids' clothes before they went to preschool (a thing my friends teased me about endlessly) came from my mother's lackadaisical attitude towards both my clothing and my school papers that needed to be returned with parental signature, which were almost always returned with an accompanying coffee ring. And she, too, was almost always late, and is therefore why I am always pathologically early, too.
My dad would be happily working on something outside, not really needing any help (the proof being if he didn’t see u he would finish it) but if he looked through a window and saw you not doing anything you would get the dreaded ‘just come and hold this for a sec’ half an hour to an hour of excruciating boredom holding and lifting sundry bits of wood or metal you might get free, so we (all of us, including mum) got used to ducking if we saw him walking past a window
I may have said this previously,but as a lifelong Democrat, I read The Bulwark, Charlie Sykes newsletter and Steve Schimdt's newsletter. We might not agree on policies (wasn't there a quote from someone that we can get back to our regularly scheduled policy fights when this mess is over? That's where I'm at). I like good, intelligent writing and the clarity to see what is happening. On the Democratic side I subscribe to Joyce White, Harry Litman, The Contrarian and the Pod Save guy's newsletter. I don't read everything everyday, but I like to have options.
I have zero doubt that when you go to that dinner in 15 years, one of your sons will be a half hour late (actually only 10 minutes but you'll have showed up 20 minutes early) and the other will be sitting there with you complaining about the other :)
(my wife and I are both people who run late after growing up with at least some parents that always ran early.....very confident my oldest is going to be early to everything as a form of protest)
I loved your post today. It made me long for a childhood I never had. Being on time was never on anyone’s radar. My mom suffered from schizophrenia. No one treated mental illness back then. My Dad was a physician who did not practice medicine but did medical research instead. He limited his involvement in my mom’s mental health problems to telling us every day “don’t do anything to upset your mother”. And then he was off to his job in the NYC. You just never knew from day to day or hour to hour exactly where my mother was on the spectrum from happy to dangerous. We spent a lot of time outside playing with friends and staying out of her way. The one time being on time mattered was for dinner. It was never a good idea to be late for dinner…never. So while I am always early to everything, I think it’s a carryover from my Dad’s instructions not to upset my mom.
So true Will! I know the main reason I don’t care about clutter is as a kid I was always told to pick everything up! Oh and there’s a place for everything! Yeah ok! 👍🏼
Totally agree on Jonathan V. Last. He nails everything and has for awhile. As they say, “JVL is always right”.
Will, I’m the same way, obsessively punctual as an adult after often being late as a child because my Dad was trying to get everything done (including catering to us).
I often ask God to give me patience, but I DO NOT like the opportunities he places in my path to help me develop this skill.
Good stuff, as always. Agreed on JVL.
Photo at the end really made me smile.
One of your best, Will. It's hard to get down to the truth when we write about parenting and kids. You wrote this enviously well.
Thanks. It was really a result of feeling kinda shitty after my car ride with my son.
I look forward to your columns, Will, and often read them more than once and send them to friends. But this one resonated deeply, even more than usual. Take five and give this a read. “We’ll meet there again, my friend.” https://c-ville.com/keeping-time/
I second what they're saying about this piece ...
Wonderful piece.
Great piece @Michael Moriarty, thank you for sharing.
Hi Will, I don’t really have a dog in this fight (I am almost always on time; I don’t care if other people are or not), but I know that lack of punctuality is often a symptom of underlying mental illness (like social anxiety) or neurodivergence (like ADHD). That’s not to excuse the people for whom that is true, but to acknowledge that it can be much, much, more difficult for some people to be on time than others, and sometimes they genuinely don’t have the ability to do it. Obviously this is not true for everyone who is late, but I’d gently challenge us all to reframe our thinking from “this person doesn’t care about my time” to “I wonder what is going on in this person’s life that might be making them late.” I don’t think that will be too hard for Will since his writing is so full of empathy. Thanks again for another thought-provoking newsletter!
I think this is a fair assessment that I'll try to generally keep in mind. Also, I'm being *somewhat* tongue-in-cheek in my harshness; that's more a lizard-brain downloading of kneejerk thoughts than the way I actually treat people in my life who are late all the time. (At least I hope!)
I think I will have a screenshot of that first paragraph perpetually in draft form to my sister till the end of time. Signed, the always early sibling.
I hope some of my friends who I *might* be referring to don't see it!
I am very much the same. On Tuesday, I'm flying to Chicago from my little airport in Syracuse. Will I get there two hours in advance, instead of the hour that would be sufficient? Yes I will. A lifetime of dealing with people who can't get anywhere on time has led me to adopt what I called the Tom Coughlin approach. The former New York Giants coach used to preach that being 15 minutes early was on-time and that anything else was late.
My oldest is 14 and her elastic relationship with time is a struggle for me. I've tried everything and it doesn't phase her, including leaving without her. Somehow, her inability to get from point A to point B is still my fault.
I have flown out of that airport in Syracuse quite a few times. I like that there's a therapy dog that travelers can pet once you get though security. All airports though have that.
"Parents, after all, are forever fighting the last war."
Did you coin this phrase? I've never heard it but it is so accurate! Great newsletter this week. Your perspective and thoughts on parenting have become some of my favorite things to read. I think maybe some of my "psychological protest" is that I don't like to write. Love reading, loathe writing (between my folks and grandparents, they've got 6 authored and published books). But whenever I read your parenting thoughts, it's like you are taking my thoughts and doing the writing for me. I am sure I am not the only reader that feels that way, although it probably helps that I also have two boys (now 16 and 13). Anyway, good piece. Also, while I have you, thanks for the Tarantino rankings. He's my favorite director and I needed that last week more than you know.
This was initially the lead to the piece! I would have left out the "after all" had I kept it.
It took me a while to figure out that my need to iron my kids' clothes before they went to preschool (a thing my friends teased me about endlessly) came from my mother's lackadaisical attitude towards both my clothing and my school papers that needed to be returned with parental signature, which were almost always returned with an accompanying coffee ring. And she, too, was almost always late, and is therefore why I am always pathologically early, too.
My dad would be happily working on something outside, not really needing any help (the proof being if he didn’t see u he would finish it) but if he looked through a window and saw you not doing anything you would get the dreaded ‘just come and hold this for a sec’ half an hour to an hour of excruciating boredom holding and lifting sundry bits of wood or metal you might get free, so we (all of us, including mum) got used to ducking if we saw him walking past a window
Oh, man, DO I EVER FEEL THIS.
I may have said this previously,but as a lifelong Democrat, I read The Bulwark, Charlie Sykes newsletter and Steve Schimdt's newsletter. We might not agree on policies (wasn't there a quote from someone that we can get back to our regularly scheduled policy fights when this mess is over? That's where I'm at). I like good, intelligent writing and the clarity to see what is happening. On the Democratic side I subscribe to Joyce White, Harry Litman, The Contrarian and the Pod Save guy's newsletter. I don't read everything everyday, but I like to have options.
JVL nailing the Kilma Abrego Garcia story today too.
I have zero doubt that when you go to that dinner in 15 years, one of your sons will be a half hour late (actually only 10 minutes but you'll have showed up 20 minutes early) and the other will be sitting there with you complaining about the other :)
(my wife and I are both people who run late after growing up with at least some parents that always ran early.....very confident my oldest is going to be early to everything as a form of protest)
Ha. This is absolutely right.