I’m 60, and I’m the fifth of six kids. We lost my Dad in 2005 (he was 79) and my Mom in 2016 (she was 84). I had been to one or two funerals before my Dad’s and really questioned their value because it seemed to me they were invitations to a dedicated hour of incredible sadness, and who wanted to sign up for that? But I came to appreciate them more at my parents’ funerals. The grief I experienced when my Dad died was the most intense emotion I’ve experienced, like a building had collapsed on me. But going through that with my siblings, helping my Mom through her grief, and delivering the eulogy all pushed me forward in my own grief. And seeing how people just loved my Dad and showed up to tell us that continues to be meaningful to all of us nearly 20 years later. And having gone through it with my Dad first made the grief processing easier (though still not easy) when my Mom died. I had the honor of doing her eulogy, too, and those duties were a great opportunity for me to really be introspective about who my parents were and what they meant to everyone.
I very much much appreciated everyone who either came to my parents’ wakes or their funerals. Each person took off one of the bricks from that collapsed building of grief and helped pick me up.
My Aunt Mag died last week, at 90. She is the last of my aunts and uncles to pass away. And I’m flying to Chicago this week to help take a brick off my cousins, as they did for me. They threw a 90th birthday party for their mom this past February, and I think that’s a key takeaway: celebrate your elders while you have them and don’t wait until their funeral! My aunt was so humbled and honored that so many people came to see her and what a gift that was to all of us to have gotten to see her, to hug her, to talk to her. That is something her kids will remember for the rest of their lives.
Just a couple of thoughts. Recent family funerals I have attended have made most of us realize we only reunite during these occasions. After we get together for this event., we always say we should get together more often and not just for a funeral. But never follow through.
Concerning your MLB piece about the stars who haven't won a WS ring, I would add Paul Goldschmidt and Nolan Arenado on my list. Probably my birds on the bat bias showing.
I have also been very fortunate to attend a limited number of funerals in my life, and I've only been in the receiving line for two. The first was my grandmother, and I don't remember much about that one, it having been a number of years ago. But the second one was for my father, just last year. He died somewhat unexpectedly, so there was a fair amount of shock mixed in with everyone's grief. My dad was very outgoing, and he taught high school and coached sports for almost 40 years, so the turnout was heartwarmingly large.
I have not lived near my parents for most of my adult life, so there were quite a few people I either didn't know or hadn't seen in a very long time. I found myself smiling through most of the hour-long line, excitedly greeting old friends. It seemed very out of place in that setting, and in my head I kept thinking maybe I should tone it down. But it also felt like what my dad, who loved people, would have wanted - to see all his favorite people coming together in one place to celebrate him and maybe take some joy from that instead of only grief. I still think about that day all the time and wonder what people thought of how I approached that receiving duty. But I always come back to the idea that it was the right approach.
All this to say - I agree with you that funerals are odd situations. And that I'm also dreading having to attend more and more of them as time marches on.
Re funerals: When my father died in August of 2021, we had a graveside service at a Jewish cemetery near Philadelphia. My cousin’s son fainted from the heat, and the rabbi cut the tension by saying, “The great thing about a large Jewish funeral is that you know there will be a few doctors on hand.”
Re the Mets: Although my dad was a Phillies fan and raised his sons to follow suit, I will always have a soft spot for the Mets. When my family, including my mentally disabled son, went to Citi Field in 2022, I discovered that they deploy security guards around their family restrooms to keep single fans from using them. That’s awesome.
I love that you highlighted the beautiful together of funerals: your calling it a parting gift will be my much simpler phrase. When my grandma died, I got to spend a week with my cousins geography never allowed. I have so many photos from that somber time.
Thank you for this. It was beautiful. Thanks for sharing this reflection, another parting gift of your uncle, with us.
Thank you, Will. 💜
I’m 60, and I’m the fifth of six kids. We lost my Dad in 2005 (he was 79) and my Mom in 2016 (she was 84). I had been to one or two funerals before my Dad’s and really questioned their value because it seemed to me they were invitations to a dedicated hour of incredible sadness, and who wanted to sign up for that? But I came to appreciate them more at my parents’ funerals. The grief I experienced when my Dad died was the most intense emotion I’ve experienced, like a building had collapsed on me. But going through that with my siblings, helping my Mom through her grief, and delivering the eulogy all pushed me forward in my own grief. And seeing how people just loved my Dad and showed up to tell us that continues to be meaningful to all of us nearly 20 years later. And having gone through it with my Dad first made the grief processing easier (though still not easy) when my Mom died. I had the honor of doing her eulogy, too, and those duties were a great opportunity for me to really be introspective about who my parents were and what they meant to everyone.
I very much much appreciated everyone who either came to my parents’ wakes or their funerals. Each person took off one of the bricks from that collapsed building of grief and helped pick me up.
My Aunt Mag died last week, at 90. She is the last of my aunts and uncles to pass away. And I’m flying to Chicago this week to help take a brick off my cousins, as they did for me. They threw a 90th birthday party for their mom this past February, and I think that’s a key takeaway: celebrate your elders while you have them and don’t wait until their funeral! My aunt was so humbled and honored that so many people came to see her and what a gift that was to all of us to have gotten to see her, to hug her, to talk to her. That is something her kids will remember for the rest of their lives.
One of your best, Will. Thanks for this.
Goldy and Arenado aren't stars anymore... (sniffles)
Great piece! I will soon have to start going to funerals as well, because I've been lucky for the past 35 years and haven't lost any close family.
That will soon change, and I don't dwell on it. But I have given it some preliminary thought although nothing good has come of THAT.
Just a couple of thoughts. Recent family funerals I have attended have made most of us realize we only reunite during these occasions. After we get together for this event., we always say we should get together more often and not just for a funeral. But never follow through.
Concerning your MLB piece about the stars who haven't won a WS ring, I would add Paul Goldschmidt and Nolan Arenado on my list. Probably my birds on the bat bias showing.
Well, we only included players on teams still in the race ... which, alas, are not our Birds. Dangit.
I-N-I
Great win!
I have also been very fortunate to attend a limited number of funerals in my life, and I've only been in the receiving line for two. The first was my grandmother, and I don't remember much about that one, it having been a number of years ago. But the second one was for my father, just last year. He died somewhat unexpectedly, so there was a fair amount of shock mixed in with everyone's grief. My dad was very outgoing, and he taught high school and coached sports for almost 40 years, so the turnout was heartwarmingly large.
I have not lived near my parents for most of my adult life, so there were quite a few people I either didn't know or hadn't seen in a very long time. I found myself smiling through most of the hour-long line, excitedly greeting old friends. It seemed very out of place in that setting, and in my head I kept thinking maybe I should tone it down. But it also felt like what my dad, who loved people, would have wanted - to see all his favorite people coming together in one place to celebrate him and maybe take some joy from that instead of only grief. I still think about that day all the time and wonder what people thought of how I approached that receiving duty. But I always come back to the idea that it was the right approach.
All this to say - I agree with you that funerals are odd situations. And that I'm also dreading having to attend more and more of them as time marches on.
This made me feel good, about funerals and your father. Thank you for it. (And I'm sorry for your loss.)
I'm sorry for your loss, Will. I've been to more funerals than I care to count. They suck, plain and simple.
Yes, how about those Illini?!?!?!?!
I N I !
Re funerals: When my father died in August of 2021, we had a graveside service at a Jewish cemetery near Philadelphia. My cousin’s son fainted from the heat, and the rabbi cut the tension by saying, “The great thing about a large Jewish funeral is that you know there will be a few doctors on hand.”
Re the Mets: Although my dad was a Phillies fan and raised his sons to follow suit, I will always have a soft spot for the Mets. When my family, including my mentally disabled son, went to Citi Field in 2022, I discovered that they deploy security guards around their family restrooms to keep single fans from using them. That’s awesome.
Wow, I like this about Citi Field!
I love that you highlighted the beautiful together of funerals: your calling it a parting gift will be my much simpler phrase. When my grandma died, I got to spend a week with my cousins geography never allowed. I have so many photos from that somber time.
Thank you for this. It was beautiful. Thanks for sharing this reflection, another parting gift of your uncle, with us.
I-N-I!!